Isn't it OK for me to miss my house and miss my trees and miss some of my things? Why is it that whenever I begin to talk about any of this part, the reply is always "well, the important thing is that your family is safe." Yes, yes, yes! I know this! This goes without fucking saying. I am grateful above ALL things that my family and I are safe. But isn't it OK for me to be sad about my home? When someone says this to me it makes me feel guilty for the sadness I feel....as if I don't have a right to mourn my things or my beautiful oak tree that I can't stop thinking about.....as if I don't have a right to be uncomfortable in my rental home....as if I don't have a right to complain about how my current neighbors watch my every move, my coming and going as they sit on their front porch smoking and out of work.
I...am....fucking.....sad. And I have a right to be.
Yes, you have a right to be sad about those things. I would be too. It's not as if you're talking about a pair of shoes you lost. This was your home. It was a place full of memories with unique and meaningful characteristics.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure some people don't know what to say or how to react. Your situation probably makes them uncomfortable and they want to make it all better by "being positive." Maybe tell them, "Yes, I'm grateful that we're all okay, but I still need time to mourn what I did lose." We all have to experience emotion in order to work through it. Don't let people make you feel otherwise.
Well, said, Katie! I bet you are exactly right about people being uncomfortable with the situation. Sometimes the looks I get from people make me uncomfortable...they really don't know what to say. But I don't want to sound like I'm whining, really. I appreciate any concern from people.
ReplyDeleteI am sure that you may be experiencing the same sort of thing right now...people offering their concern or sympathy for your situation but not knowing exactly how to execute that to you, perhaps ending in awkward converstation at times.
I think the difference is that what I lost, I lost a long time ago, and I lost it gradually and knowingly. You had something taken from you, and that's enormous.
ReplyDeleteYep. You have that right and it's totally normal. Also totally normal for you to feel guilty about feeling like you are whining or that you *can't* complain. I agree with Kate--people don't know what else to say. And instead of saying, "that DOES suck, SO MUCH!" and the like, they try to make it better--for themselves. It's less awkward if they don't have to "dwell on" negative things when they don't know what to say.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry for your beautiful tree and all of your things that were destroyed and lost. Of course you know it's most important that you are all okay! At the same time, your life was completely changed, forever. You will certainly recover and become stronger, but you are forever changed.
I've been thinking about you. Hang in there...sometimes you need to vent. Sometimes you need to vent every day. ;-)