I am going to be "twilighted" and cut open this coming Friday. As much as I wish that meant that Edward the vampire was going to sink his teeth into my neck, I'm sorry to say it ain't so. "Twilighted" is how the plastic surgeon put it. They will give me an IV with certain drugs that will make me fall into a deep sleep while they cut out my cancer, and then they will slowly ease off the medicine so that I'm kinda in and out of it. When they cut it out, they will immediately send it to a lab where the technichians will determine if they got it all; if not, then they will cut more until it's gone.
For those of you who don't know, I am a slight control freak. Now, I'm not your regular control freak who feels the need to control those around me. I just can't stand to not be in control of myself-unless it involves a little wine and a hot summer's night :-) I don't look forward to the reality that my life is being trusted to other people and I have no control over what they do while I sleep. I've had a true phobia of death ever since my best friend in high school was shot and killed by her boyfriend. Death is one of those things that I can't control...and it scares the shit out of me. I have no choice in the matter, no control over how things will end with me.
Needless to say, I would much rather be awake, as crazy as that sounds, during my surgery. It's the going to sleep part that I don't care for.
But as both of my adorable children were screaming their heads off as soon as I walked in the door from a very long work day, and as my daughter would not stop crying unless I was holding her, and as my son was repeating "mommy" over and over 46 times, something sweet came to mind. I will be in a deep uninterrupted nap on Friday. If I think about it that way, perhaps I can enjoy it.
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